Articles
Avoiding Conflict
The wise writer tells us of the dangers of conflict in a very illustrative way: “The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts” (Prov. 17:14). On a small scale, imagine opening a small irrigation gate to allow water to flow, and then trying to get the water back in its original location! [Good luck with that!] Now, imagine an embankment or earthen dam where a little crack appears and the water begins to seep through; it is a given that if that leak is not quickly addressed, a potential disaster will be certain. It is this image we should get firmly in our minds, for we can either be the cause for ‘releasing the water’ or we can be the reason contention is stopped “before a quarrel starts.”
Contention, or Grace? In the New Testament, Christians are reminded that words are important; I don’t believe this is news to anyone, but we sure seem to be forgetful nowadays. The apostle Paul reminded the brethren at Ephesus to “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Eph. 4:29). The Greek word translated as “corrupt” may be literally translated as worthless; and there is the contrast Paul is trying to get us to see. Our words can either build up those who hear (“necessary edification”), or they will be worthless words. The Divine instruction here is to get us to see that our words should be ones that are intentionally used to build up the hearer and, as Paul wrote, “impart grace.”
Far too often, we do not think about our words before we use them, and give little thought as to whether or not they are worthwhile, and whether or not they will “impart grace.” Far too often, we are just concerned about getting a word into a conversation, when it would be better if we simply never invited ourselves into it. Some conversations — and the words that are thrown around in them — are simply not worthwhile, but are merely a means to antagonizing or insulting those with whom we disagree. Where is the grace?
Remember grace, as we so often define it, is “unmerited favor.” Especially in those conversations we cannot seem to avoid, where opinions are spoken as if they are the only acceptable viewpoint and where emotions run high, we need to try a lot harder to “impart grace” to the hearer — particularly when we don’t think they deserve it because, well, that is what grace is all about.
How many conflicts could be avoided altogether if we would be more interested in imparting grace than in imparting our opinions? How much conflict would be eliminated before it even begins if we would be more interested in imparting grace than in insulting the one with whom we vehemently disagree? And before you say, “But they said...,” stop and remind yourself of what grace is again. God wants us to impart the same grace to others that He imparted to us. Remember none of us was deserving of that, either; but He did it, anyway.
Conflict, or Appeasement? The wise writer also tells us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). This is another one of those passages we are probably well familiar with, but it, too, seems to have been forgotten in our discussions and conversations — and social media posts. It seems now that more people are interested in stirring up anger than they are turning away wrath! I know this is the modus operandi of the modern press, where it is sure to get higher ratings, sell more newspapers, and get more hits on the web site, but to what end do we — especially those of us who are Christians -— engage in such?
Consider just a few proverbs that remind us of the dangers of anger, and then consider again why we would want to stir it up:
“An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression” (Prov. 29:22); “Wrath is cruel and anger a torrent.” (Prov. 27:4); and, “For as the churning of milk produces butter, and wringing the nose produces blood, so the forcing of wrath produces strife” (Prov. 30:33). From just these proverbs, we can surely see that stirring up anger will not end well, so it would be wiser to seek words to appease the anger.
Paul wrote, regarding anger, to the early disciples, and admonished them “to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth” (Col. 3:8), and note that both anger [a long-term habit] and wrath [i.e., “losing one’s temper”] are characteristics that should not describe one who now lives for Christ. I would argue that stirring others up to anger or wrath should not be our habit, either. In fact, in his words to those in Ephesus, he not only commanded that they put away “all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking,” but that they should, instead, then “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31, 32). It is far less likely that we will be the cause for stirring up anger if we are kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving.
Arguments, or Words That May Lead To Salvation? If you have sat in one of my Bible classes, you know how much I emphasize the importance of noting when the writers of the Bible books repeat something, and especially if the repetition is done within a relatively short passage. We find such an occurrence in Paul’s second letter to Timothy, where Paul strongly urges Timothy to avoid certain things, and to teach the disciples to avoid certain things. What are those things? Consider:
He first tells Timothy to charge the disciples “not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers” (2 Tim. 2:14); just a few verses later, he will tell Timothy to “shun profane and idle babblings” (2 Tim. 2:16); just a little further down, he will instruct him to “avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife” (2 Tim. 2:23); and, finally, he gives instruction to all disciples that they should “not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will” (2 Tim. 2:24-26).
Note that a good portion of what Paul said must be avoided are words and arguments and discussions that have no value, or no good result. Sometimes, there is simply no profit in a discussion; though we may be baited into engaging in such discussion, make a renewed effort to avoid them altogether. Sometimes, the discussions are just fruitless, and serve no value or benefit; avoid those, too. And questions, arguments, and disputes that are intended only to sow seeds of doubt and contention should be avoided, as well.
As Paul notes, we are to not be quarrelsome, but “gentle…patient” and humble as we try, instead, to give them the words of eternal life, in hopes they will listen to what we have to say and turn from the world that they might be saved. Those words — the gospel message of salvation — are infinitely more valuable and infinitely more profitable to the hearers. So speak wisely! — Steven Harper
