Articles
The Ways of Man
We are likely familiar with the warning of the wise writer when he said, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Prov. 14:12; Prov. 16:25), and we usually are thinking of the general habit of mankind to go his or her own way, while rejecting the ways of God. While that might be a proper application of the proverb, it is by no means the only application. More often than not, we are not considering that he may be speaking to you and me!
The danger of what is described in those identical proverbs is that, as man goes his way, he is most certainly not thinking it is the wrong way, and that the way someone else is urging him to go is the proper and correct way. No, usually, the one who sees and takes this “way that seems right” is the way he believes is right, and no one can convince him otherwise. To that point, the wise writer also speaks: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” (Prov. 12:15). The point here is, sometimes we believe so strongly that we are right, we won’t even consider that we are not, or that the suggestion, advice, or warnings of others might be the “right” way. If that is the case, then it is we who are the fools. If so, then we would be wise to hear the writer again when he admonishes us, “Do not be wise in your own eyes” (Prov. 3:7). Why should we not? Because we are playing the fool!
Sometimes — many times, from my limited experience in life — it is a case similar to what Jesus condemned when He warned, “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:3-5). Sometimes, we can see the minuscule faults of others and blow them up into larger-than-life dangers and threats to life itself, while we look right past our own mountainous faults as if we are as close to perfection as a man could possibly be. I have even had discussions with individuals in the past who, on any other occasion, would admit no man is without fault, but when speaking one-on-one about issues between that same individual and a brother or sister in Christ, adamantly declared — without hesitation and without blinking an eye — that it could not be that they bore any fault in the matter.
Let me offer a few bits of advice that, if you are willing to hear, might help towards improving our interpersonal relationships, particularly amongst brethren.
Consider First That it Could Be You Who is Wrong. Far too many times, one or both sides in a dispute refuse to believe they have done anything wrong or bear any responsibility for the broken or strained relationship. Having sat down with many individuals, couples, and families over the years, I can tell you this is more common than we might want to admit. In one instance when I sat down with a married couple, I asked each to enumerate the problems they were having so I would have a general idea of what was needed, and had one party list all the faults of the other and, when asked if they had any part or fault in the situation, denied any part or fault. Friends and brethren, in any relationship where problems arise, I have yet to come across a situation where the problem or problems are 100% the fault of one side, and 0% of the other. Truly, no one is perfect; that truth applies within all relationships, whether parental, spousal, or business.
Consider again what Jesus said in Matt. 7:3-5; in those words, Jesus is essentially saying, “Take a good, long look at yourself and eliminate your own shortcomings before you start pointing out others’ faults.” Consider, first, that you could be wrong! Picture that possibility and what it would mean, if true. Try to see things from the perspective of the one with whom you are at odds. They may actually be the one who is correctly viewing the issues!
Listen to What Others Have to Say. Next, be bold enough to ask an unbiased third party what they see — and then listen to what they have to say. It could be that you have a ‘blind spot’ to one or more of your own faults, and that is the real issue. When David heard Nathan tell the story of the poor shepherd, he was furious at the rich man who took his only ewe lamb, but when Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” David was honest enough to hear those hard words from Nathan, and David’s immediate reply was, “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Sam. 12:1-13). No excuses, no shifting the blame, and no making light of what he had done. He listened, and he took it to heart.
How much easier it would be to resolve conflicts if we had such a willingness to listen to others even when they disagree with us — especially when they disagree with us!
When there was a dispute in Antioch about the matter of circumcision, the apostle Paul gave an answer, but his answer was not accepted. Instead of angrily demanding they just listen to him and asserting his apostolic authority, Paul was willing to take some of those same individuals with whom he disagreed, and go hear what someone else had to say about the matter — someone both sides agreed would settle the matter. When the answer was given, there were no more arguments and no longer an issue (Acts 15:1-33). They listened!
Be Willing to Make Hard Decisions; Be Willing to Change, if Necessary. David would not have been pleasing to God, and neither would the Judaizing teachers who stirred up trouble in Antioch, if none of them changed their ways. In neither case were the ones in the wrong unwilling to change, and that says much about their character. No, they were not faultless; but neither were they so stubborn and foolish as to not change their ways and repent.
God is concerned about your heart being right, and then your words and actions being right, and will not applaud your pride and steadfast unwillingness to change when wrong. In fact, such attitudes are repulsive to Him: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:8). Again, the wise writer gives us an admonition worthy of hearing: “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Prov. 26:12). When a man refuses to hear the counsel of God, he is truly a fool, and has no expectation of reward in the end.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Prov. 3:5). — Steven Harper
